I think the latter

was my distance and hesitation
my downfall or
savior

Broken Spell

I let you into my realm
Opened up in your space
Made my magic accessible
Hands touched my sacred tools
Carved intentions into wax

Skin on skin
Wrapped in my arms
Lost in salt water and flame
Breath and bodies in sync

You drank in
My words
My tone
My energy
Swallowed me

Why would you do that to me

Did you really
let me lay in your arms
my head on your bare chest
while you read me poems
that you’d written for her?

New Moon

Waiting for your renewal
Clean slate
Wiping away the pain of the previous cycle
I need to clear these emotions
Ground
Release
I want to be ready for what's next
Planting new seeds
Resetting to again refill
Lost power
Drained cups
I'll always romanticize a fresh start
Your cooling darkness
Settles my overgrown fire
I will be waiting



- New Moon

Supporting Cast

I will not feel like a 

secondary character

in the story of my own life

I'm not part of your chorus

not the comic relief

and definitely fucking not 

her understudy

No Salt, Please

I knew the first day
In the moment we met
That you'd hold a special spot
I opened like a garden gate

You've pulled me from sorrow
Brought laughter when I felt hollow
Showed up for healing
So we can be drunk on laughter
And of course, margs

Pages

I tore them
Shred by shred
Each one ripped out of the binding
A memory of my recent past
Anxiety
Love
Jealousy
Fear
Lust
Ramblings of the nights when I felt
My roots might never meet the ground again

I tore them from their place
Pulled them out of me
Handed them to you
Trusting
Releasing
Tear-stained writings
Hidden thoughts

We joined hands to start that fire
Our energy built the flame
Burned it all away together
Crumpled
Folding
Wedged in to ignite
Watching as the pain turned to ashes

You held space for me
Those final pages
As I opened up the halls of
Vulnerability
Dashed hopes
Heavy tears
And your music, words, and silence were comfort

That night I felt so many things
But most of all
Protected
Connected
Magic
I am so lucky
To bathe in the light of your Love

To the One Who Knows the Darkest Parts of Me

Your consistency honors my trust
It allows the cracks in me to show
Knowing I can turn to you
When I am abandoned, broken
Your words hold steadfast in me

I've accepted our limitations
Grateful that the part you give me is
Deep, dark, and steady
And you hold onto corners of me
No one else ever sees

Thank you for sticking through it
My fleeing from our connection
Attempts to shut you out
The unkind words I've spoken
And yet you remain

Yes
Wolfie
This one is about you
I hope you like it

Yours,
Truly,
Deer

I Thought We Had More Time

The hardest part of letting go
Are our plans that were laid out in joy
Those vague promises of adventure
All the experiences we'll never have
Abandoned daydreams and excitement
Of all we intended to do

Train for Me

It’s hard to be a marathon of a human being
When so many are looking for a sprint

The Queen of Cups

She appears to me consistently
Showing me what I hold
Intuition, compassion, strength
Calm waters at grounded feet
Holding space for others' emotion
Reflecting others' depth
Channeling transformation

She reminds me to hold my cup steady
That though I have the source
I do not need to empty it so often
That I should not fall into naivety
Not overlook the obvious for the sake of love
And to appreciate all that I already hold

Cleansed

Fire licked the remnants of lies
From my cup
After I emptied out
Your false promises

Cruelty

In retrospect
I’ve realized that you tried it
To segue into that conversation
You were too cowardly to start

I’m so naive
I didn’t recognize it
Because why would
Someone who cares about me
Treat me with
Cruelty

Deep Down I Knew I Wasn't Any Different

I watched your tidal waves
Wash away lovers
One by one

I stood on the beach
With sandy bare feet
Until I was dragged under too

Used

Yes, you did

Fed off my energy
I felt it drain
And I let it happen
I thought you'd refill me
You said you wanted to
Hold that fragile hope of mine

I "called you to arms"
To show who you are
But for someone else
So you go ahead
Tell yourself whatever you want
But you know you used me

No wonder you can't sleep at night

Too Good to be True

Maybe I could never
Believe it was real
Because my heart knew
Before my head
That you weren't really here

Offering

I approached trembling 

The chains in my chest 

Broken open 

Swinging, noisy as I walk 

In my hands

What I offered has been 

Refused many times over

Carelessly handled, dropped 

Or tucked away in a bottom drawer  

This heart of mine 

She’s hard to hold onto 

Wrapped in wire

Doubt

Bloody with wounds 

Rejection

Prickly with broken pins

Left behind

She was a stone for many years

Grey and still 

A lump unused 

But she was awoken

Now she glows

She’s the daughter of the Sun

Ablaze with passion

Seeking, pushing

Burning with desire

The flames grow into inferno 

She’s the daughter of the Moon

An ocean of tenderness 

Flooding, churning

Overflowing with affection 

The waters deep enough to drown

Still I offered this mess of mine 

Complicated, tangled

Raw, bruised

Absolutely terrified 

Liquid fire 

Love 

And you were just
Another one 
Who did not want her.  

Gorge

The river is churning like my insides
Water pouring and flowing so fast
Floodwaters built up and racing
Over the crest in sheets

Though the journey over the dam is rapid
It's not until the
Force of the flow has
Crashed
Against the bottom
That the power of the water is apparent
It is rage
It is turmoil
Wild, angry walls in an ever-flowing
Mountain of explosion
The place of impact is violent
Keeps pushing itself
High
Forward
Liquid fireworks

Soon after
The intensity bowls over
Folding in on itself
A more familiar rapid
Down to the turbulent white waters
They push in waves, continue on
Still racing but again I see a river

Where am I right now?
No longer at the crest or
Highly dramatic, explosive point of first contact
Am I in the immediate aftermath or
Have I moved into water that's more recognizable?
I can't see down past into the normal flow
So maybe that's my answer

Moon Phases

Isn't it funny, Love
The way the moon calls to us
So differently
Our homes in the opposite end of the cycle

I live in the comfort of the new moon
The blank slate
The wiped clean, calm, new start
When emotions are grounded
Dark skies and low light

You find solace in fullness
The crescendo
The place of release in light
When you can recharge energy
Aglow with clarity

We wax and wane
A balance of energy
Meeting each other throughout
These phases of change

Burned

No one had ever held
My blazing heart
So firmly and with
Bare hands

Yet I am the one who is
Burned.

Overflow

Don’t ever make the mistake
Of thinking
You’re too much
Because you’ve poured yourself
Into vessels that overflow
Too shallow
To hold you

The Idea of Me

Don't fall in love with my
Potential
I don't want the weight of your
Expectations
of who you hope I will be
When I don't live up to them
when you see
more of the
Mess
behind this Mask
When the Illusion has faded and
You see what's hidden
behind the glitter
You will be
Disappointed