My foolish, forgiving heart
Wanted a goodbye that wasn't
Sour and uncomfortable
If you could be the person I'd seen you as
When I was your confidant
I thought those I love you's were true
A statement of our friendship
Not a trap for my guilt
I should not have given you the chance
For that I blame myself
Monday, July 1, 2019
California - Part 1
I let your lips touch mine out of obligation
Bowed to your expectation
You claimed you felt so much for me
And I was guilty of vast indifference toward you
Your hands wandered
I told you
No
Over
Over
Over again
I left your car because you insisted
You just couldn't help yourself
I'd learn how much soon after
Bowed to your expectation
You claimed you felt so much for me
And I was guilty of vast indifference toward you
Your hands wandered
I told you
No
Over
Over
Over again
I left your car because you insisted
You just couldn't help yourself
I'd learn how much soon after
Fourteen
Cornered in that airport lounge
Leather and fuel in the air
Though some pieces are faded
That feeling still lives in my gut
Pinned down
Unwilling and scared
Pressured
Walking away violated
Sick with fear and
That horrible taste in my mouth
Yet it seemed too normal
Ordinary almost
A milestone in budding sexuality
Is that not what it's supposed to look like?
Leather and fuel in the air
Though some pieces are faded
That feeling still lives in my gut
Pinned down
Unwilling and scared
Pressured
Walking away violated
Sick with fear and
That horrible taste in my mouth
Yet it seemed too normal
Ordinary almost
A milestone in budding sexuality
Is that not what it's supposed to look like?
Sister
You knew what was happening
Made it into a joke that you snickered at
Teased me for it like a naughty secret
Maybe that's why I never really feel safe
Why I will always be my own protector
A lesson I learned at four years old
Made it into a joke that you snickered at
Teased me for it like a naughty secret
Maybe that's why I never really feel safe
Why I will always be my own protector
A lesson I learned at four years old
Faucet
The flow of your words into my head
A faucet
Sometimes dripping slowly
Sometimes on full blast
We've twisted the knobs to off
The final drops evaporating
I'm getting used to this dry phase but
I can't help but feel parched
A faucet
Sometimes dripping slowly
Sometimes on full blast
We've twisted the knobs to off
The final drops evaporating
I'm getting used to this dry phase but
I can't help but feel parched
It is what it is
I don't know when you let go
But I won't try to scrape together
Remnants of affection
Forcing things has never gone well for me
Though I don't want to stop
I will not cling
But I don't think we ever gave
Enough kindling
And our spark never grew into full fire
But I won't try to scrape together
Remnants of affection
Forcing things has never gone well for me
Though I don't want to stop
I will not cling
But I don't think we ever gave
Enough kindling
And our spark never grew into full fire
Backfired
I wrote to you last night
Meandering through these hallways
Sorting through what lingers
I tried to convince myself of apathy
That anchor didn't hold
My thoughts still drifted into memories
I betrayed myself this time
Sent my energy to you
Through the cosmos and connection
Wishing that I'd enter your dreams
I put you into mine
Meandering through these hallways
Sorting through what lingers
I tried to convince myself of apathy
That anchor didn't hold
My thoughts still drifted into memories
I betrayed myself this time
Sent my energy to you
Through the cosmos and connection
Wishing that I'd enter your dreams
I put you into mine
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