Tattoo

An artificial heart

I've been called cold

An emotional robot
My outside is hard
At times I feel fundamentally broken 

But from inside this hard heart

There is life
Growth  
It's still thorny and twisting
But the vines reach out and upward
Wanting to continue growth 
Seeking light in a higher place

The banner says "Persevere"
I am not an easy person to really know
I don't give myself freely
The walls are thick
I'm constantly struggling to keep myself 
From rebuilding them
Positioned in a place that's not plainly visible 
My message to others and also 
A reminder to myself
Keep trying
Inside the cold, hard exterior
There is something alive

I come off as detached
But the disconnect happens as 
A result of self preservation 
I distance myself 
I am constantly filled with a mix of 
Conflicting emotions
Self doubt in my right to have them
That my own feelings are not valid 
I am resistant to sharing them
Apathy often wins this internal battle
Protection 

I'm aware 
It's too difficult for most people
It's a lot to ask
I try my best to be kind, understanding, caring
It's hard for me being so driven by 
A protectionist instinct
And deep down
I don't know if I believe 
I am worth the effort.