Heavy

All the love I'd ever known
Felt like a weight around my neck

Villainous

I had already finished mourning
By the time I pushed you into seeing
Carrion of our relationship
Your eyes were closed while you marched on
"Obligation equals love"
The flag waving at your back
I tried to pull you off your flat cement circle
Tugged at your hand to join my adventure
Wild winding trails into the unknown
You wouldn't
Didn't try to understand
So I bubbled silently with pain
Like an overfilled water balloon
Until it burst out of me all at once
We'd have that same talk for the sixtieth time
All your lip service to repairs that never came
Measuring effort in performing duty
Never in connection
Never affection
Somehow you thought time alone would fill
Gaping chasms between us
Now you've been pushed into action
Finally conjured emotion
Boiling in anger
Stoked by the voices in your ear
I'm painted as the villain of your lifetime
You're defending against me
Shields and swords
But all I want from you is to cut this cord
So we can both be unburdened
Light in the air of a new season

Compassion

Some days I am moved to tears
Overwhelmed by this world
Drawn into details and depth
Stillness and presence
Humanity and nature

How the structure in a leaf
Mimics the veins of my wrist
The chalky feeling of a chain link fence
Weathered over the seasons
Being drawn to wild bunch of berries
Which leave a fuchsia heart stain on my palm

My heart bleeds for sad eyes
Seeing behind defensive walls
Barricades of hate and indignation
Nonchalance to cover pain of judgment
Self denial rooted in rejection
A core of fear in nuclear meltdown

These are days I feel my ancestors
Bruja healers flowing in my blood
Calling on my overflowing cup
Pour compassion over wounds
Turn up my glowing light

Ignite

Melted, pooled
Hot, wet
Red wax
Dripping down skin
Messy, wild flame
Striking hard against
My match box

Universal

I thought you were tuned into

My frequency 

But I realized you just make yourself

A universal remote 

Lesson

I guess the universe decided 
You’re a lesson I need to learn deeply
That’s why there’s no buffer
No warm body to cover 
The spot that’s gone cold 
Where the imprint of your shape lingers
Though there are nights of wailing in me
A funeral procession of mourners
Lamenting to somehow pacify 
My loss, your loss 
I pick up the shattered pieces 
Somehow shards remain 
Like my heart is made of shag carpeting 
Slivers of you invisibly tangled 
I understand your affection was smoke 
How you danced around my fingers
The embers cooled and that lovely ribbon 
Dissipated into the winds 
So I sit with this discomfort 
Trying to tamp down the wish
That you’d crawl back 
A fistful of apologies for each and every 
Single tear shed on your behalf 

Thin

I won't bow to that image
I do not care how many times I lose because thinness is on a pedestal
The mark of beauty for the masses
I've seen this game since middle school
Abused myself because I never fit
I've built this strength on the back of obsession and guilt
Tears in a pile on my bedroom floor
Pulled myself up from self-hatred
Climbing and clawing away
I cannot let the demon drag me back into that darkness
Trying to shrink myself to an ideal
Cutting off my sanity for the sake of size
I lived too many years with nothing but inadequacy in my belly
Criticizing every inch of my body
How there were too many inches to begin with
Made it far enough to be here but I know absolutely
I won't survive doubting my worth